


In His Heart

by Ozcartoad



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Grief/Mourning, I also haven't finished the anime or manga yet, I haven't finished the game but I saw the ending, M/M, Missing in Action, based on the end of Attack on Titan 2 the game, killed in action, no one actually dies, so bare with me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-14 10:24:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozcartoad/pseuds/Ozcartoad
Summary: Base on the Attack on Titan 2 video game. "He started to fall and swore as he shot an anchor into a Titan and swung low until his feet scraped against the ground. Zuko came to a stop and steeled himself as he looked at the Titans surrounding him, gritting his teeth and frowning. He wasn’t going to die here. He would kill every Titan on the planet if he had to but he was going to make it home!"





	1. Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been playing Attack on Titan 2 a lot recently and I accidentally spoiled the ending for myself and it inspired me to write this! Zuko Angi-Kai is my playable character in the game and yes, his name is absolutely a horrible joke about Zuko from ATLA, though his character and appearance aren't anything like his. I wrote this story mostly in my free time before or after work so please excuse any minor grammatical errors. I hope you enjoy!

The bright moon shone into the otherwise dark bedroom from the parted curtains. The room was small; only enough room for a dresser and a small hay stuffed bed. A small nightstand set next to the bed, though the only use for it was to hold a small stub of a well burnt, recently doused candle and a glass of water. The room was quiet, the window shut to keep the cool wind out and the only sound to be heard was the soft breath of two soldiers cramped in the small bed. It was late at night, nearly early morning, and the two soldiers should be sleeping in order to rest up for the mission that would take place the next day. One was trying, his eyes shut as he rested, but the other was still awake, head on the other’s bare chest and fingers ghosting over his partner’s tones bicep. 

“I’m surprised you wanted to stay in my room,” the awake soldier said, voice quiet and small as though afraid to disturb to silence of the night. The soldier shifted his head to look up at the man trying to sleep.

“Zuko. Sleep,” responded the other man who didn’t even bother to open his eyes. Zuko let out a breath and settled his head back on his lover’s chest. He wasn’t offended by the short, gruff response. After spending a nearly a year with the man, he was used to all his little ticks and mannerisms. Besides, Zuko probably should try to get some sleep.

“Yeah… But you usually insist that we stay in your room. I know how much you hate this mattress,” Zuko said, despite knowing he should try to sleep. His lover let out a breath and opened his tired eyes to look down at him as Zuko lifted his head to look up at him. The annoyance was obvious on his face and Zuko could see the need for sleep in his eyes, though the bags and tired look were always there. He assumed it was just part of being Lieutenant in the Survey Corps. Not to mention being Humanities Strongest Soldier. Lieutenant Levi had a lot on his plate and striking reputation to uphold. He was cold and harsh and angry due to how the world had crafted him to be, but he was also the strongest soldier the Survey Corps had. He could eliminate three titans with just one blow. Or so they said. Zuko had been around Levi and in squads with him for a while now and hadn’t yet seen that happen. 

“Are you trying to keep me up?” Levi said, his brows pulling into a disapproving frown. Rest was precious in the military and while Levi was ordered to stay back from tomorrows mission due to an injury, he still had plenty of other matters to attend to and wanted at least a couple hours of sleep before he had to wake up to tend to them.

“Not… Intentionally.” A sigh left Zuko’s lips and he rubbed the sleep from his eye with his thumb, “I guess I’m just nervous about tomorrow. A lot’s going to happen and a lot’s going to change.” Now it was Levi’s turn to sigh again as he put an arm around his lover and looked at him, his frown turning softer.

“Zuko, this mission is going to be difficult. Some of your comrades are going to die and you’ll see blood and gore. But you’re a skilled soldier and I know you can do it. Just keep your head on straight and be careful.”

“I’ll do my best,” Zuko answered as he laid his head back on Levi’s chest, shutting his eyes. Levi was right. Zuko Agni-kai was an amazing soldier, trained one on one by Levi himself, and had shown great promise since day one. He was a few years older than his fellow greenies, which allowed him a bit more stable on the emotional and logical front. He was collected in a fight and natural born leader, his comrades trusting him with their lives. And he in turn trusted them with his. 

“…Levi?” spoke Zuko, just above a whisper.

“What now?”

“I love you.”

Levi glanced down at his partner, looking at his soft face and watching as sleep slowly crept over him. He didn’t respond. He simple looked at him. Did Levi love him? They had been together romantically for quite some time now, had been on mission after mission together, and had found solace in each other after Petra and the others from his squad had been murdered by the female Titan. But did he love him? Was he willing to put his heart out there, vulnerable and aching, despite the conditions of the world they live in?

Yes. For Zuko. But not today. Levi pulled the man closer and closed his eyes, willing for sleep to consume him.

XxXxXxXxXx

Morning came with little event, the sun creeping in from the still opened curtains to fully light up the room, but the two habitants had already been up for hours. Zuko was looking in a small mirror propped up on the dresser as he put on his brown leather uniform jacket and then finally his thick green cloak with the wings of freedom on the back for all to see. Levi was sitting on the bed while his lover got ready, dressed in more casual clothes as he flipped absently through a small book he had found sitting on the floor near the bed. Zuko gave himself a smile in the mirror before facing Levi and putting his hands on his hips.

“Well? Do I get your approval?” he asked causing Levi to look up at him. The man shut the book and stood up to get a look at him. Even when Levi was in boots and standing tall, Zuko was still a good three or four inches taller than him. Levi looked him over and gave a nod.

“I guess. It’s good enough,” Levi gently slapped the journal on Zuko’s chest and the man laughed as he took the book and crouched down so he was eye level with the Lieutenant, his smile widening.

“You’re so sweet to me, Levi,” he teased, earning him a hard frown and a sharp punch to his ribs. He winced and laughed faintly as he rubbed the spot, sure that he would end up with a bruise later, as he stood up straight. “Damn… I always forget how hard you punch.”

“Because you’re an idiot.” The man put a hand up on Zuko’s neck and pulled him into a warm kiss. It didn’t last long but it was enough to make the younger of the two smile and pull him into a hug. 

“Hey, Levi…” 

“What?”

“Would you want to go on a date when I get back?” Zuko asked and the two parted enough for Levi to look up at him. He didn’t seem too pleased with his suggestion, but Zuko had learned that you couldn’t take Levi’s expression for how he felt.

“A date?” Levi frowned, “It’s a waste of time, Zuko. If we have time for a date, we aren’t spending enough time as we should training or working. We can’t afford the time for the luxuries a simple lovesick couple can.”

“Maybe not a date then. Maybe just a dinner. The spoils I’ll get from this mission might even be enough to satisfy you and your expensive taste,” Zuko said, his smile returning to his face as Levi’s frowned deepened and he looked away.

“Whatever. I can’t dictate how you spend your money. Even if it’s on something that’s a waste of time.” 

“I’ll even make sure to have the finest tea just for you,” Zuko looked like he wanted to say more, but stopped as a bell chimed throughout the barracks. He let out a breath. It was time to go. 

“Be careful out there, Zuko. And don’t do anything stupid,” Levi said as they pulled back from the embrace, a smile still on Zuko’s face as he straightened his cloak.

“I won’t, I promise. I’ll see you in a couple days.”

With that said, Zuko waved at his lover and headed out of the room to meet with his fellow soldiers and go forth with their mission. Levi stayed in the room for a few moments before he left to see the troops off.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The mission had gone alright, and that was the nicest way to put it. Incident after incident had arisen, many lives had been lost, and Commander Erwin had lost an arm, but ultimately the goal had been accomplished. The female titan, Annie, in their custody and on her way to pay for what she had done. She was currently in some pink crystal prison, unconscious and in the back of a wagon as Zuko, Armin, Eren, and Mikasa tried to make it out as fast as they could with Connie at the reigns. Sasha and Jean followed close behind, riding their own horses. The mission was nearly complete, they only had to deliver Annie alive, but getting out alive was going to be the difficult part. Right behind of them was a swarm of Titans, crawling and running after them. There had to be at least twenty behind them and the anxiety and rush in the carriage was high.

“Faster, Connie!” Armin shouted as the Titan’s continued to give chase, slowly starting to close the distance between us and them. Connie looked over his shoulder at Armin, a pained expression on his face.

“We can only go so fast with something so big!” He shouted. Tension and nerves were high now. No one wanted to die, but we couldn’t abandon our duty to transport Annie. We had to go faster, we had to outrun them but… How? There were just so many…

Eren lay unconscious on the floor of the carriage, his head resting in Mikasa’s lap. The last fight he had had been in his Titan form and it had taken a lot out of him and from him. He was injured and exhausted and Mikasa wasn’t leaving his side until she was sure that he would be safe. With Eren unconscious, the carriage weighed down by the weight of Annie’s crystal, and all their faith in the speed and strength of their horses, Zuko didn’t know what they could do. As the situation seemed grimmer, it became clear that they wouldn’t be able to outrun these titans. They were hard on their heels and gaining. They needed something to distract them, something to lead them away, they needed… A sacrifice. 

Zuko looked at Eren’s unconscious form and then back at the Titans. He knew what he had to do. It was the only way to secure success for the mission and the only way to make sure that his friends, his beloved friends and comrades made it out of here alive. Zuko looked back to Eren and Mikasa and pulled his small brown journal out of his cloak. This notebook had everything about his life in it. It had the details of his thoughts and feelings from when the wall at Shiganshina fell to when he met Levi to where they were now. It had his entire life and struggles in it, his days where he would slack and spend the day sneaking snacks with Sasha, his thoughts when Eren had first transformed, and how he saw the world. His journal had his entire life written down on the pages. Gently, the book was set down near Eren and Zuko looked up at Mikasa.

“Please. Make sure that Levi gets this,” Zuko said and he watched as Mikasa’s browns pulled together in both concern and confusion.

“Wait, what are you doing…?” she asked as he stood up and face the Titans who were nearly upon them. Realization struck everyone the carriage nearly at once as Zuko pulled his swords from their sheath, his heart racing. This was it. He was going to die here. He was going to die striving for a better chance for humanity. He was going to die for this mission. He was going to die so that his friend could make it out alive! Zuko activated his ODM gear the cables shot out of their confinement anchoring into a nearby tree before he was pulled rapidly from the carriage. 

The young man swooped up to catch the attention of the nearest Titans before swinging himself low to avoid their reaching hands. He released the cables and shot them again at the back of one of the larger Titans, bringing himself up high before coming down in a spinning motion and cutting out the nap from its neck in one skillful swoop. Zuko’s heart was pounding in his chest and he hit the ground fast. His knees buckled and he tumbled, cursing to himself. He got to his feet and looked at the Titan’s surrounding him before casting a glance to the carriage as it raced off in the distance. He tore his eyes from his friends and shot a cable into the leg of a nearby Titan, swinging himself to the right to gain speed and a bit of lift before he released and flung into the air. He steadied himself and shot a cable into the back of another Titan and rapidly raised up towards it but before he could get close enough to kill it, Zuko’s body was yanked to a stop.

The breath left Zuko’s lungs and he gasped, looking to see what had stopped him and finding a wide grinning Titan holding the cable. Zuko’s eyes widened as his blood went cold, sweat matting his hair to his face. The Titan reached out one of its large hands and grabbed him in its fist, bringing him closer to its face. Zuko grit his teeth to stop his jaw from quivering as he looked at the face of the giant beast. Everything seemed to be happening to fast, the Titan opening its mouth and drawing him nearer, but Zuko’s actions felt slow, sluggish. He couldn’t think straight. Never had he felt his blood this cold… He was going to be eaten. 

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Levi…” he thought to himself as his mind wandered back to the last time he might ever see him. The way he had teased him and joked, how Levi had made sure to give him a kiss before he left, and the small date they had planned on having which would now never come to happen. It felt like it had been just yesterday, but Zuko knew it had been longer. Levi’s face with still perfectly imprinted in his mind, how when he frowned his brows would pull together and make this dark shadow cast over his eyes, the way he smiled so it just barely graced his lips but made his face brighten as if being kissed by the moon. His lips were soft and warm, occasionally chapped when the weather got cold and his hair a silky black, ever fun to run his hands through. He would leave that behind. Levi would mourn his death alone, too stubborn and cold to go to anyone for comfort. He didn’t want to think about what might come of him, of what his anger and hatred for Titans would turn to with someone else he cared for consumed by them. He didn’t want to leave Levi behind.

He didn’t want to leave him. He didn’t want to leave his friends to mourn him. He didn’t want Sasha to have to visit her village alone. He didn’t want Jean to pick fights because of his grief. He didn’t want Eren to do something rash and stupid because of his sacrifice. He didn’t want anyone to suffer! He didn’t want to die! He wanted to watch his friend grow strong and old, he wanted to see Levi’s face when he came home. He wanted to accomplish his only goal in life! He had plans, damn it! He had always had to fight in the world and now was no different. He might die here, he might be crushed to death or swallowed whole, but to hell if he was going to die without giving everything he had to living!

Something seemed to snap within Zuko and he let out a scream before he shifted his blades and twisted in a rapid spin, going around three of four times and cutting the fingers of the Titan clean off. He started to fall and swore as he shot an anchor into a Titan and swung low until his feet scraped against the ground. Zuko came to a stop and steeled himself as he looked at the Titans surrounding him, gritting his teeth and frowning. He wasn’t going to die here. He would kill every Titan on the planet if he had to but he was going to make it home!


	2. Pains

When the soldiers had returned home, the biggest concern for Levi was Erwin. He had heard word before the man had even gotten back that he had been gravely wounded. In what way, he wasn’t sure but he knew it that it had to be serious if they sent word ahead. Medical professionals prepared themselves and it seemed that they knew just what the injury was, but no one else was informed. So when the troops finally arrived back, Hanji and Levi went straight to the infirmary. The medical staffed asked for them to give space and let them work so they were left to stand just outside the infirmary and wait. Levi hated waiting and hated it even more when it was waiting for news about an injured friend. 

As he and Hanji waited, Levi let his mind travel to thoughts of Zuko and the last night they had spent together. Zuko had said that he loved him. It was still difficult to wrap his head around the idea, but after a few days of distracted training and long nights staring up at the ceiling, Levi had come to the conclusion that he loved him too. He was the person who he was closest to and he felt he would be content, if not happy, to spend his life with him. They hadn’t been together for too long, but their relationship was founded on a strong friendship and trust. 

The relationship between the two had started off in uncertain grounds and the two were careful and unsure; Levi was a Lieutenant after all and Zuko was his subordinate. When the two had realized their feelings for each other were leading into the unfamiliar area of romantic attraction, neither had done anything at first. Zuko had forced his feelings down and Levi had done everything he could to ignore it. It had carried on like this for a while, almost two months before Zuko had gotten up the courage to confront Levi about it. The conversation had been completely one-sided, Zuko explaining himself and how he felt and as Levi made no effort to speak in turn the man grew less and less confident about his decision and even went as far as to suggest to be removed from Levi’s squad. Still, the older man had made no effort in anything other than listening and eventually just left without a word.

This had crushed Zuko, making him feel as though he had destroyed their friendship with his stupid little confession, but that turned out to not be the case. Levi didn’t want to say or do anything about this matter until he spoke with Commander Erwin about it. Zuko was his subordinate and Levi was his captain. He didn’t want there to be any muddy water about conflicting interests or morals. After Levi had spoken with Erwin extensively on the matter, he then went to find Zuko and finish their conversation. They had settled on a closed door sort of relationship, not being open about it or letting others know. The two had figured that would be the best option due to their situation, though in actuality it didn’t last long. The two were nearly always together when they had a chance and it was obvious how one would perk up when the other came near. 

Eventually Jean and Sasha had both asked or teased Zuko about what his obsession with Levi was when after a rigorous training session with the Lieutenant thetwo spoke and shared a brief touch. Before Zuko could even respond, Levi had turned and simple said, “He’s my lover. I would expect him to be a little obsessed with me.” By now most everyone knew the two were a couple and had come to accept it.

After what felt like hours, and could have possibly been hours, a doctor finally stepped out of the infirmary and looked at Hanji and Levi. By this time Levi was leaned against the wall, one foot propped back against it and his arms crossed. He turned his head and looked to the man in the long white coat. He was a tall man, not just by Levi’s standards, and was built more for breaking down houses than anything medical, but Levi assumed he couldn’t be one to judge others by their size. After all, he wasn’t exactly gifted in that field. The doctor looked at the two of them and cleared his throat before speaking.

“Commander Erwin has lost his right arm. He lost a significant amount of blood during the travels and is currently resting. We don’t believe the wound to be infected but we’ll find out for sure sooner or later,” the doctor cleared his throat again, “You’re welcome to come in and see him, but he’s likely not up for much conversation.”   
An entire arm? Levi hid his surprise and pushed himself off from his position against the wall as Hanji stretched her arms above her head. It must have been a difficult mission if the commander lost a limb, but he supposed it was better than losing all of him. 

“His entire right arm?” Hanji said, looking at Levi as she went to go into the infirmary room, “Isn’t the Commander right handed?”

“I think writing is going to be the least of his troubles from now on,” Levi answered. Without an arm, Levi wasn’t sure that the Commander would be able to do half the things he had before and he was certain he wouldn’t be able to kill any Titans with only one arm. Or use ODM gear for that matter. Levi turned and was about to follow Hanji into the room but stopped when he heard the sound of running down the hall, accompanied by a shout.

“Captain Levi!”

The Lieutenant turned around and looked to see Armin running down the hall, clutching something to his chest. He looked like he had been sobbing and still in the process of it from the look of the tears streaming down his face. He looked like he had just arrived back to the base, his clothes tattered and dirty and his hair matted with sweat and some blood. Levi frowned and watched him as he approached, turning to face him fully. Armin was out of breath when he came to him and bent over, panting and choking on his sobs. Levi’s expression hardened as he watched snot and tears fall from the boy’s face and onto the floor, beginning to form a small puddle underneath him. Disgusting.

“What is it? Hurry up. And don’t drip on my shoes,” Levi said, his voice cold as Armin stood up straight and sniffed, wiping at his face with his forearm. He seemed inconsolable and it gave Levi a slight rise in panic, though it didn’t show. What was so important that Armin needed to come see Levi straight away, as soon as he had arrived to the base and sobbing? If something had happened to Eren, it was important that someone be told, but if Eren was dead or gravely wounded, word would have arrived before they did. 

“Spit it out,” Levi demanded and Armin finally looked at him and held out what he had been holding so close to his heart. A little brown journal. Levi’s eyes widened and his world came to a halt as the pit of his stomach filled with dread. He reached out slowly and took the book. Why would Armin… Be giving him Zuko’s journal? 

“It… It’s Zuko, sir,” Armin managed to say, “H-he was so brave…. He… He said… To m-make sure this got to you.” 

Hanji, who had been halfway to Erwin’s bedside, had turned at the sound of Armin’s shouting and was now just behind Levi. Her own eyes were wide as she looked at the journal. Most of the senior and veteran officers knew Zuko and quite a few were close with him. He was a friendly sort and reliable, willing to help out anyone in anyway and was a remarkable soldier. Hanji and Zuko had worked close on the Titan research and had become good friends. She looked from the journal to Armin, her face shrouded in disbelief. 

“What happened, Armin?” she asked and Armin looked about ready to cry again, tears blooming in his eyes, “What happened to Zuko?”  
Armin’s lower lip quivered as he spoke, trying to be brave despite how much it hurt to lose such a close friend. “H-He was very brave. He… sacrificed himself so that… So that we could all make it out with the female titan.”

The room seemed to be spinning as Levi looked at the journal. He had lost friends. He had lost his closest and dearest friends but this? Somehow this hurt so much worse. He had been so sure that Zuko would return. So sure that he would be alright and he would see him later in the mess hall with Eren and Sasha as they ate and smile when he saw Levi enter. He hadn’t thought… Zuko was an able soldier and had the makings of an elite. He never would have thought this would happen. Why hadn’t he though? This world was cruel and hateful. He had lost everyone else, why not his partner as well? Why did he have hope! Why the hell did he think everything would be alright! Levi ignore Hanji and Armin as the woman tried to understand what exactly had happened to their friend and turned down the hall, walking off. Hanji noticed his footsteps and looked over.

“Hey… Levi, where are you going?” she asked, her concerned for him obvious. Hanji knew about the two of them, had even pressed and teased them about their relationship, but she knew Levi cared more for the missing soldier than any other. Levi ignored her as he walked away and Hanji didn’t follow. He went down the hall and made a couple turns, making his way to the barracks. He walked around and looked at all the doors before he stopped at one in particular. He opened the door and stepped in, closing and locking the door behind him as his gaze cast down upon the floor. He stood there, letting the room stupid spinning and swirling for a moment.

“Zuko…I told you… I told you not to do anything stupid,” he said to himself as he felt his eyes burn, though refused to let himself cry. Levi stood there in silence, mourning the loss of his friend and lover. Why…? That was all he could think. Why did this happened? Why did this have to happen? Levi leaned against the door and let himself slide down to the floor as his eyes stayed trained to the ceiling. He felt his eyes grow wet and cursed himself as his vision blurred and his throat grew tight.   
When was the last time he had cried? He certainly didn’t remember it. He hadn’t didn’t when Gunther or Petra had died, or when he found the smashed and obliterated bodies of Oluo or Gin. Had it been all those years ago? When his friends had died as soon as they had graduated? He didn’t know. 

Levi cursed again and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hated them. He hated Titans with every fiber of his being and he swore that he would do everything in his power to slaughter every last one of them. Too many people have died because of them, too many precious lives had been lost. The lived of his closest comrades, those who he went on nearly all his missions with; the soldiers who were his responsibility to bring back home, and finally the one person who he thought would be with him until the very end. He would do all he could to eradicate these beast and bring about the era of humanity, give humans a fighting chance at survival.

But first he had to know what had happened in Zuko’s last final moments.

The man sat there in Zuko’s room, taking in the space. He rubbed his wet eyes with the heel of his hand and looked at the bed and little dresser. He should have told him then. He should have said it back. Even if he wasn’t completely sure of it, he should have just said it anyway. I love you. It was three little words and Levi’s biggest regret. If he had known that would have been the last time he would see him again, if he would have known that morning would be their last embrace… Ifs had no place here. What had happened had happened and there was nothing that could be done to change it. Levi pushed himself to his feet and unlocked the door. There was no point in staying in here any longer. He had work to do. 

XxXxXxXxXxX

The evening sun was starting to fade, the sky a bright yellow and orange as the night closed in on the Earth. The fields outside the wall were quiet, not even the sounds of birds or rustling leaves to be heard. The once green grass was covered in a hot, steaming red blood and it sizzled as it was evaporated into the air. Over twenty Titans lay dotting the ground, some in heaps and spread out over a distance, but all motionless as their bodies steamed and smoked as they decayed. The smell burned the nose with its putrid odor and the intense heat that emanated from the dead beasts and would make someone unused to the smell feel dizzy and possibly faint. But the killer of these Titans was seasoned, had killed Titans before and would do it again and the smell did nothing more than scorch the hairs out of his nose. 

Zuko stood in the middle of the bloodied field, out of breath and panting as he looked at his work. He had survived. He was covered in blood, both his and the Titan’s, had twisted his leg the wrong way, and had a nasty cut on his upper arm, but he was alive. He was alive and breathing and that was more than what he could say for anyone else who had been put in this situation. Zuko had expected to die, he was greatly outnumbered and alone, but somehow he had made it and there weren’t any more Titans in the vicinity. As much faith as he had in his ability, he had to say that this was purely an act of luck and grace. He was a strong soldier, but this? This had been madness. He had been grabbed about five times, but each time he found the will and the strength to keep fight, to keep going, to make it out alive. And now the last Titan was dead at his feet. He stood for a moment, catching his breath and collecting his thoughts.

The wall. Zuko looked towards the massive structure behind him and the great distance he would have to travel to get there. And even if he got there, how would he get in? The walls would only let the scouts on missions out and the surviving scouts back in. He had been on a mission, but now he was just once lone soldier. He had no horse, no squad, would the garrison even see him down here? Zuko took a limping step towards the wall and hissed, his face contorting in pain. If he was in perfect condition, he would probably be able to make it to the wall on foot, but injured and moving slowly? He wasn’t sure how he would pull it off.

Looking down, Zuko checked his ODM gear and his gas tanks. His gear seemed in alright condition, a bit worn, but workable. The problem lied in his tanks. He was almost out of gas. He had used up a lot of it avoiding the advances of the Titans and even more killing them. Even if he had enough gas, there weren’t enough structures or trees in this area to provide good travel. Besides, he wanted to save it. He didn’t know when another Titan would appear and he didn’t want to be a sitting duck, waiting to be hunted. 

A long breath left Zuko’s lips and he clutched his right arm, putting pressure on the wound. He didn’t know how bad it was yet and wanted to wait to see until he had found some sort of cover. He looked around the landscape and his eyes landed on a tattered, mostly destroyed building not too far away. It was in rough condition and didn’t even have all four walls, but it had most of a ceiling and cover. He would make for there and assess his wounds. Zuko took in a breath and willed himself to walk, limping heavily. Unlike his arm, Zuko knew what he had done to his leg. He was whizzing through the air, trying to avoid a chasing Titan when it had managed to grab him by the leg. Because of the strength of the beast and the speed of which Zuko was moving, the soldier was sure it had been pulled out of socket. By now his hip was throbbing and felt almost numb. He didn’t know how to relocate a hip, but he would have to give it a try if he wanted to keep going.

Travel was slow, but as the sun started to finally disappear from the sky, Zuko was upon the old wooden fence that surrounded the home and the owner’s former property. He let out an exhausted breath and made his way into the ruined building, heading towards the back corner with the most shelter. The building was covered in dust and debris, fallen structure beams and shingles from the roof. It didn’t look very structurally sound, but Zuko couldn’t be choosy. When he made it to the corner, he grit his teeth and slowly lowered himself to the ground, his hip and ankle searing in protest. He hadn’t thought his ankle was hurt, but as the adrenaline started to fade, he came to realize he was in worse shape than he had thought.

The pain in his leg lessen when he stretched it out straight and he let out a breath of relief, letting himself lean back against the wall. He shut his eyes and sat there for a moment, taking in slow breaths in hope to calm himself. His heart was still pounded, though now he wasn’t sure if it was still from the fight or now the pain that ached through his entire body. Zuko opened his eyes and looked down to his leg. Right now it didn’t hurt too badly, so long as he didn’t move it, but he couldn’t sit here forever. He let out a slow breath and went to pull his cloak off. He grit his teeth in pain and carefully set it down beside him, his arm was throbbing and he looked at where his Survey Corps jacket had been ripped. Fresh and dried blood surrounded the long tear and Zuko started to take of his jacket with extreme caution. It felt like the wound was stuck to the jacket and he didn’t want to risk reopening what part might have stopped bleeding. He peeled the sleeve off around the wound slowly, taking slow deep breath as he did. Once he got it off, he dropped it to the ground.

The wound on his arm didn’t look as bad as it felt. If he had some bandages, he could take care of it just fine, but right now he didn’t have anything. He had his cloak, but the material was too thick to rip and with just one arm it was impossible. He supposed he would have to just leave it as it was and pray it didn’t get infected.   
Zuko looked to back to his leg which was currently his biggest concern. He could barely walk with it like this and he needed to be able to move quickly to have a chance to make it out of here. But… He didn’t know how to fix this. His hip looked odd and his leg was at an odd angle. He knew it was dislocated, but what was he supposed to do about it? He tried to think back to his time with Christa, when the two of them would make trips to the legion hospital and help where they could. Had he even see someone with a dislocation? He had to have… Zuko thought long and hard and remember briefly seeing a nurse help a man with a dislocated shoulder. She had put pressure on it and moved it. Surely a hip would be the same. Zuko took his upper thigh and tried to move it.

As soon as he put just a little pressure on it, a white hot pain exploded on the entire left side of his body. His eyes filled to the brim with tears and he immediately let go of his leg, swearing to himself. His heart thumped loudly in his chest and his breathing grew quick and ragged. Damnit… Damnit, he could barely touch his leg, how could he push it back where it was supposed to go? Panic started to set in as Zuko realized he didn’t know how to help this situation. He was horribly injured and bleeding and his leg was in such back shape he couldn’t even touch it without bringing tears to his eyes. He didn’t know what to do about this. It was stuck like this and he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t put it back. 

Zuko covered his face with his hands and waited for the pain to fade, not moving and trying his best to take slow breaths despite how panicked he felt. He had to calm down, he had to settle down and think through this. He could do it. He had made it this far, he had killed almost two dozen Titans on his own. He could handle a simple dislocated hip. As the pain slowly left, Zuko uncovered his face and took in a single deep breath.

“Okay, Zuko… You can do this…” he said to himself before he picked up his jacket and folded up the sleeve before stuffing it into his mouth to bite down on. He breathed shakily through his nose and gently took hold on his leg again. Just pressure and movement. That should do it. He bit down as hard as he could on the jacket as he put firm pressure on his leg. The pain and the tears returned, but Zuko didn’t stop. He stretched his leg out as far as he could and started to lift it up. He screamed into the jacket as he raised his leg higher and higher, the pain blinding. 

Then he heard an audible pop and a sensation of relief wafted over his whole body. Zuko sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and lowered his leg. He blinked the tears away and pulled the jacket out of his mouth. His side still hurt but it was more a dull throb now than the constant searing he had felt just moments ago. He panted and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes and letting himself relax for a moment. Now that he wasn’t in constant pain, he let himself feel just how tired he was. His whole body was sore and aching and he didn’t want to open his eyes. It was never a good idea to camp outside the walls, especially not alone and wounded like this, but Zuko was too tired to continue today. He opened his exhausted eyes and shifted to lean more comfortably against the wall, picking up his cloak and draping it over him like a blanket. He would wake up first thing the next morning and make his way for the wall, but for now he needed rest.


	3. Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so, first of all, please note that this fic doesn't have a beta reader. I try to go through after I type and double check everything, but being your own beta is just a bad idea all around so I miss things;; Also, jsyk Zuko is about 21/22 in this fic because according to AOT2 there was a five year gap from where the wall fell to when the kiddos joined the army and the training was three years so ye. I hope I did my math right, but if I didn't  
> I'm so sorry  
> Please Enjoy!

 

An entire week had come and gone since Zuko’s demise and everyone was finally starting to come back around to their old selves. No one had been given a break from their duties mourn the death of such a close comrade who had given himself for them and people had to grieve quickly in their free time. Many thought Levi was taking the loss of his lover well most thought though he kept to himself and conversed even less than usual. The Lieutenant hadn’t been on a mission since he had injured his leg and though the wound was healed by now, Erwin had yet to assign any too him. He had assumed that Erwin was doing what he could to give Levi time to himself to process Zuko’s death under the guise of a still healing injury, though all it really did was annoy him. Levi didn’t want to stay at base and watch his fellow soldiers fight. He wanted to go out in the field and take his anger out on the beasts that took his friend away.

Currently, Levi was on his way to Erwin to talk about the matter. He wanted to go on a mission. He wanted to be of use to humanity, not sit around every day and sulk. Besides, it was god awfully boring. Levi had even gone to see if Hanji needed anything from him to try to keep himself from going stir crazy. No, that wasn’t fair to say. Levi had gone to her because he wanted to be around someone who could understand how he felt. The two didn’t talk about their feelings or lay it out on the table, but being around her and talking had helped.

The clicking of freshly polished boots against wooden floors echoed through the hall as the Lieutenant walked with a purpose. He adorned his newly cleaned and pressed uniform, all the creases neat and the buckles shining. It had been about two weeks since he had last worn the uniform and he had to admit that he missed it. Over the past year the uniform had become more of a second skin for him and he felt more like himself as he wore it so see the Commander.

When Levi arrived at the door to Erwin’s office, he didn’t bother to knock. He opened the door and stepped in. The office was well lit with candles and the large window behind the strong wooden desk. The desk was old but still in impeccable condition and had neat stacks of papers sorted on the top of it. Erwin was sitting at the desk and looked like he had been writing something before he had been interrupted. The Commander had healed up well from his injury and while he still needed bandages to keep it clean and protected, he had been cleared to get back to work, though had been instructed to stay on light duty for the time being. Erwin was looked at Levi, his brows raised.

“Levi. What’s brought you here?” he asked, setting the paper down and giving Levi his full attention as the man shut the door behind him and walked over to the desk.

“Give me a mission. My leg’s fine, I don’t know why you haven’t been sending anything my way,” Levi said, a cold frown, he didn’t want Erwin’s pity. He didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him. This was how the world happened, he was in the army for God’s sake. This was to be expected. Erwin’s look of shock when Levi had burst in disappeared and was replaced with a soft frown. Levi knew that the man meant well. The two were close and he trusted him more than he did any other, Zuko included. Erwin was smart and honorable and was fit to make the difficult, calculating decisions that someone in his position would have to. Because of their past and these qualities of his character, Erwin had rapidly made his way to the top of his favorite people list. If he were given the choice between saving either Erwin and Zuko, it would be an impossible decision but Levi knew Zuko well enough to know he would want him to save Erwin. Though he supposed he wouldn’t have to think about any longer.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright. Physically and emotionally,” as he spoke, Levi’s frown grew darker, “I didn’t want any mistakes to be made beyond the walls because you were grieving.” Levi’s lips pulled down into a frown and he tch’ed as he looked away from Erwin.

“I’m fine. I don’t need you to worry about me, sir,” he said and Erwin pulled a stack of papers closer, looking through them. He seemed to be considering something and eventually looked back at Levi.

“Fine. Eren, Connie, and Mikasa are going on a simple scouting mission, just for observation. We’ve received word from the Garrison that the number of Titans in that area have been rapidly declining though the reports don’t make it seem as though they’re just moving locations. Something’s going on there and I’m sending this small squad to investigate. You can accompany them if you wish. It wouldn’t hurt to have a senior officer with them considering how inexperienced they all are,” Erwin said, “They leave tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you, sir,” Levi said with a small bow of his head before he turned and left the room to go find Eren or one of the others. He was thankful that Erwin was letting him go, truly. He needed something to distract him from the pain he felt at his very core. Levi might have fooled some people about how well he was taking Zuko’s death, but deep down he was a mess. Zuko was constantly on his mind and his dreams were plagued with pictures and scenes of his lover. His smile, the silly jokes he would make at other expense, and how sweet he had been. Those were the good dreams. Some nights Levi was plague with visions of what had happened to him, how he had likely been swallowed whole, or worse chewed up and spit back out, begging for someone to help him. And others he lied awake, eyes burning and red rimmed as he craved sleep but his body refused to give in to him.

The night was greatly the worst part of his days now that Zuko was gone. He would spend hours laying in his bed, longing for Zuko’s touch and to hear his soft breathing as he slept beside him. He missed the man with every cell in his body and he ached for him. He found himself constantly wishing things could have been different, wishing it had been him instead, that he could have been there to save him. But Levi needed to follow his own advice. No one knew how things would have gone otherwise. If Levi had been there, he might have stopped Zuko from doing anything at all and then Eren, Connie, and the others would be dead as well.

Levi found Eren with Mikasa and Armin in the mess hall, eating their midday meal. They spoke with each other and Levi didn’t listen in enough to try to and figure out what it was they were talking about. As he approached, he pushed the thoughts of his lost lover out of his mind and thought about the mission he had been assigned to. Titans outside the wall would amble around aimlessly when there weren’t any humans around for them to chase, but according to Erwin they had been disappearing from an area outside of one of the walls. Titans didn’t just vanish. They were either killed or they moved along. Levi had to admit, he saw why this concerned Erwin and the more he stewed on the topic, the more in rubbed him wrong. Something was going on there.

Levi came to the table where the friends were seated at and stood at the end of it, hands clasped behind his back. The conversations ceased and Armin and Eren sat up a bit straighter as they looked at him. Mikasa let her eyes fall on Levi and her expression was unreadable, though Levi was able to guess that she wanted to know what he was doing there just as much as the others did.

“Captain Levi,” Eren began but Levi didn’t let him say any more.

“I’m going to be accompanying you and Mikasa on your mission tomorrow,” he said and Eren looked over at Mikasa before back at Levi, “Commander Erwin said that you’re inexperience and stupidity might jeopardize even a simple observation mission. We leave not a minute after dawn. I expect you to inform Connie.”

Without another word, the Lieutenant turned and walked away from the table to go and prepare for the mission ahead of him. He would need to assess his harnesses and his gear. It had been a while since he had last used them and he wanted to make sure they were in tiptop shape. He couldn’t afford for anything to go wrong, he never could but especially not now. If he were to mess this up or botch it in anyway, he didn’t want to think about the look or talk Erwin would give him. He hated being chastised by that man, but hated it even more when there was a lining of worry and care. Levi could handle this. It was a simple enough mission and would help get him back up on his feet. He needed this mission.

After a couple hours of meticulously looking over his gear and preparing what he would need to head out early the next morning, Levi was in his private room, sitting at his desk. The entire room was spotless without as much as a hair on the floor. Each morning he would strip his sheets and blankets and replace them with crisp, clean ones and each night he could mop and dust just so that he would be able to lay in bed with some semblance of peace. Because of his routine, his room was always in a perfect condition and a fresh bed would be waiting for him when he would return to it after missions or a day training. With Erwin refusing to give him missions, Levi had dedicated himself to training to retain his skill and also let out his pent up feelings, so when he made it back to his room, showered and exhausted from training, clean sheets were a blessing.

At his desk, Levi was looking over map and reading reports that Eren had offered to him an hour or so ago. With the disappearance of the Titans, Levi wasn’t sure what to expect. It could be more Military Police meddling, but there were any reports of any number of their soldiers going through the wall nor were there any reports of a group go around and kill these Titans. It was puzzling and Levi thought over it for a while. Titans didn’t just die on their own. They could go eons without food and had no need for water. For all intents and purposes, the beasts were immortal. Levi frowned and rubbed his mouth as he thought for a moment more before sighing. He got up from his desk and pushed the chair in before he started cleaning it up, putting everything away in neat piles. It was getting late and he needed to wake up early in… A few hours actually.

Levi rubbed his eye with his thumb and got himself ready for bed, folding his dirty clothes and putting them in his hamper before pulling on something to sleep in. He turned out his lantern and the room was consumed in a pitch darkness. The moon was waning and the gentle touches of light it provided weren’t enough to illuminate the room as it had days ago. From having live in this room so long, Levi was able to make it to his bed with ease and got in. He laid there and let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, stewing over the mission and doing his best to keep Zuko from his mind.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

 

Ten days. It had been ten days since Zuko had jumped off the back of the carriage, willing to sacrifice himself for his friends. Ten grueling, difficult days. Each day had had its own trials of misery and pain and now at the dawn of day eleven, Zuko was feverish, starving, and barely able to keep on. On the second day, the hunger had begun but it was enough for him to ignore, the pain in his arm though was a little different. His arm seared in pain with every little movement and he was sure that it was infected. It was red and swollen and was ferociously warm. But he had had to bite down the pain and keep moving if he were to make it back to the safety of the walls.

By the fourth day, the pain and hunger was all that Zuko could think about but he had continued to press on, though as the wall still appeared to be a small lining near the horizon, he had altered his course to try to find something that he could eat. The canteen he had brought along with him on the mission still had water in it from the last puddle or pond he had used to refill it. As he had searched, he had briefly wondered if it would be alright for him to eat grass as that was all around him for miles. But he had humored the idea no more than a few moments before he found a birds nest tucked into a branches of a small tree. Zuko had raided the little nest and sucked the yolk from the eggs. The texture had been revolting and the taste less than pleasing, but he was starved and didn’t have the resources or knowhow to make a fire from twigs.  With his stomach holding something to occupy itself, Zuko had been able to keep going.

When the seventh day had rolled around, the fever had begun. Zuko’s body felt as though it was nearing its end and he shook with chills. A cold sweat had beaded on his brows and he would rapidly jump from being extremely hot to freezing cold as the flashes tore through him. He was weak and starving, his mouth as dry as sand and his feet covered in blisters, screaming at him with each step. He had pulled his cloak tight around him and kept the hood up as he walked, moving slower much slower than he had days prior. Zuko had done his best to conserve his energy, but as the sun of the seventh day started to dip lower in the sky, he had a run in with about four Titans. He had been trying to conserve the remainder of his gas and swords, but he had had no other options. Zuko had somehow, by some superior grace, managed to make slow and sloppy work or the Titans, but it had left him without any gas and only one sword remaining. That night, Zuko had found himself some semblance of cover and rested, finishing off the last of his water even though he hadn’t been entirely sure he would make it into the next day for it to make a difference.

But he had. He had made it through that night and lived through the next couple of days. Zuko didn’t have any idea of how he had made it this far. He was out of gas, out of energy, and using his last remaining sword as a cane to lean against as he walked. The night of tenth, he hadn’t trusted him to rest despite how high his fever had spiked and how weak he was. Zuko knew… He knew by some way or another that if he settled himself down that night to rest, he would never wake up. He would lose his chance to make it home. That feeling set in the pit of his stomach like a rock and he had forced himself to travel through the night.

Now, on the dawn of his eleventh day stranded outside the walls, Zuko felt ready to collapse. He had been without water for days and while he was so hungry that his stomach was in pain, the thirst was a hundred times worse. Every time to would swallow dryly or close his mouth, his throat would stick together and cause a fuss of coughing. His head hung low and his feet dragged against the grass and dirt as he walk, scrapping and scuffing what little finish that was on his boots. He leaned greatly on his swords, using it to keep himself up and as a point to drag his feet to so he could keep moving.

Step after step, he continued towards the wall that was still too far away, his mind swirling around and unable to hold a collective thought for longer than a few minutes before forgetting what it was that he was even thinking about. His breath came from his mouth in slowly pants as he lifted his head to look up towards the sky as it started to turn into the light blue and yellow of dawn. Zuko wondered if today was going to be the last time he saw the morning sky again. The way it faded from a dark black to the paleness or morning had always made him feel at peace and alive, but today it gave him little feeling. Only the feeling of dread that clouded over him and let him know that another night had passed and he was still on the outside of the walls.

Zuko felt himself come to a stop as he looked at the sky, watching it lighten up and bring day to the Earth. He shut his eyes and let out a breath, resting for another second or more before he continued to walk. He couldn’t lose his focus on the task at hand, but he sometimes he could hardly remember what he was doing. Zuko squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and took in a deep breath before he opened his eyes and started to sing. His voice was course and rough and he wasn’t a good singer, but he needed to keep himself in the moment and his mind off of his pain.

_“Trøllabundin eri eg, eri eg_

_Galdramaður festi meg, festi meg_

_Trøllabundin djúpt í míni sál, í míni sál_

_Í hjartanum logar brennandi bál, brennandi bál”_

 

As Zuko sang, his head hung low once more, watching his feet scrape the ground. The song was an old one that his mother had taught him years and years ago. The words were foreign and unfamiliar and Zuko had long forgotten what they meant, but the tune and rhythm would be with him always. Once upon a time, this tune had been his favorite lullaby and though his mother had insisted that the song wasn’t actually a lullaby, it would put him in just the right mindset to try to sleep. Zuko’s father, for whom he was named, hadn’t much approved of his mother sharing with his son the tales and culture of her people. They weren’t important, he had heard his father say once, and there weren’t many left. After he had heard his father say that, he had grown increasingly more curious about his mother’s family history, but he had never been able to learn more than various songs and bits of the language. His mother and father had both died when Shiganshina fell. Zuko had only been fourteen.

   
_“Trøllabundin eri eg, eri eg_

_Galdramaður festi meg, festi meg_

_Trøllabundin inn í hjartarót, í hjartarót_

_Eyga mítt festist har ið galdramaðurin stóð”_

 

The song faded away into the morning sky and Zuko didn’t start up again. His breath was labored and his vision was blurring. As much as he wanted to keep going, Zuko’s legs buckled under him and he fell to the ground with a thump. He shut his eyes and pressed his hands into the grass, pushing himself up. His arm boiled in protest and Zuko hissed as he stopped his efforts to get up. This was it, wasn’t it? He had worn himself down to the ground and he couldn’t find the strength to get back up. He bit his lip to stop his jaw from shaking with the chills and pulled his limbs closer to himself. The fever. He had been so delirious, he felt like he had forgotten he had a fever. He didn’t remember remembering about it. But everything was so foggy now, he wasn’t too sure what was what anymore.

Zuko pulled his close closer to himself and opened his eyes, looking at the dirt he had fallen into. It was dry and felt almost sandy against his stubbly cheek. He felt a rock press into his side when he shifted but paid it little mind as he watched an ant run by, crawling back and forth as it searched for something, likely food or the scent of its friends. It was so small and frail, unable to stop a predator from swooping in and consuming it. An ant could carry ten times its own body weight and climb up the smoothest of cliffs, but it wouldn’t be able to stop Zuko if he were to reach out his hand and squish the poor thing. He didn’t though. He wished it no harm.

Something started to pull Zuko from his observation of the ant, a sound like thunder though there were no clouds in the sky. A small frown pulled on his brow as he forced himself to focus on the sound. He listened as closely as he could push himself to do and slowly came to the realization that it wasn’t thunder. It was the sound of hooves stomping into the ground as they ran.

Horses.

Zuko’s frown deepened before his eyes suddenly widened.

Horses!

Gritting his teeth, Zuko started to push himself to his feet. His body screamed and ached and when he was upright his heard spun and he stumbled. He pushed the point of his sword into the ground and leaned against it, looking around as his vision blurred. Horses outside the wall were as rare as they come and horses inside the wall were expensive and treasured. So to hear the trample and footsteps of a group of horses as they ran full speed could only mean one thing. There was a squad from the Scouts Regiment out here. And they were close.

The sound had given Zuko more hope than he had felt in the entire ten days he was out here, but when his eyes landed on a squad of four soldiers riding in front of him, the green cloaks with the Wings of Freedom displayed on their backs, his heart soared. He was going to make it out of here. He was going to do everything in his power to get their attention and get out of here. He was weak and very sick, but he force himself to keep going until he dropped dead.

Something stopped Zuko from moving though. Something that felt like large, heavy steps that shook the ground. He turned looked, his eyes immediately going up and up to the face of a Titan as it reached a hand out and closed it around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Zu sings is called Trøllabundin by Eivør, its a really good song so go check it out if you want! But it's not a necessity


End file.
